Showing posts with the label divorce

Armin van Buuren feat. Susana - If You Should Go

Isn't it ironic?
When I was at Armin Only! in Ahoy in December 2006, and Susana performed If You Should Go live on stage, I got chills and really enjoyed the song. I imagined what I would do if she really would go and leave me. Two years later, around the same time of the year as when I was at the party, she did just that. Isn't that ironic? Song still gives me chills though. Love it!

Telling your ex the truth

Here is a great way to telling your ex how you feel... :D
Brilliant! ROFLMAO what in the hell did those cats have to fight about, and did the black one get away?! :) ROFL

Definition of Unlove

Unlove - definition of Unlove

How do I unlove?
I can fall in love easily. I can love magnificently, I think. I can prevent myself from falling in love, for a while. I can delay being in love, if I try. But I have no influence whatsoever on either becoming not in love or unlove someone, once I love them. I can make it less, but it won't go away. I have no clue.

I can't simply move on, that would seem shallow. I can't just forget or ignore, or I wouldn't have been so in love in the first place. If it were that trivial, it wouldn't feel like love to me.

So perhaps I love too much. Perhaps, what I call falling in love already is what most people experience as 'being in love'. For me, the appetizer is already a main course for most. Perhaps for them if they'd be as much in love as I can be, would feel like a whole endless buffet or a 5 course meal. Is it me or is it them?

I just don't know anymore. Break-ups have always been hard on me but this one feels lik…

Divorce can be funny

Just browsing Dave's Trailer Page and ran into 2 trailers right after each other that made me think "Uh Petra should watch this." followed by "Uh! I so need to watch that!"
What am I talking about, check out the trailers for "The Back-Up Plan" (48 MB, hers) and "The Bounty Hunter" (50 MB his). ROFLMAO Just glad I didn't lose my sense of humor in the divorce :P

Jason Mraz – Absolutely Zero

Jason Mraz – Absolutely Zero (Eagles Ballroom Live Version)

You. You were a friend. You were a friend of mine, I let you spend the night.
You see, it was my fault. Of course it was mine.
I'm too hard at work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd, ever in your life.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Who am I to say that this situation isn't great when it's my job to make the most of it?
How could I ever know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.

Hey, what's that you say? You're not blaming me for anything, well that's great.
My heart don't break that easy. Does it fade away?
So that's why I'm apologizing now, for telling you I thought that we could make it,
I just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's my time to make the most of it,
How would I ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no, no, no

If all along the fault is up for grabs why can't you have i…

Milow – Silver Game

Oh why are things you care about so hard to do? Because you know they'll hurt? Or... will hurt someone?
Milow – Silver Game

A night in September

Finally met my ex last night. Was a bit of a mess leading up it (confusion, retribution, misinterpretation and so on), but in the end she proved to be the woman I chose to marry and I reconfirmed the meeting I had canceled a few hours earlier because I didn't think she was ready to be herself. Turns out she was.
The meeting went fine and we were both calm, civil and said what needed to be said. After an hour it already seemed we'd talked for hours. I cleared up many things important to me (but not all) and felt better. I wanted to continue a more informal chat about the things we're doing now, but she wasn't able to. That's fine, no biggy. Perhaps another time.

That left me dazed and shaken but calm. The sudden put-it-behind-me was a shock. Felt like I had turned around staring into a void in the future whereas I had been moping over the stuff in the past. Small case of vertigo I guess. Good, of course, but stressy nonetheless. So now it's off into the void... U…

when is it enough

Sometimes you just can't do enough, no matter how hard you try or what you do. Even doing the right thing is not enough for someone.

Petra's new photo outlets

I don't think these should be public yet, but on a random search for news on Petra (she's still in total radio silence), I found she and PlexiPhoto have been busy with two new cool ideas: PlexiFlex and PlexiSquare.

Good ideas, I think - inline with her previous coop with IUTY - and the pics are great. :) Place for photographers to showcase their work and fans or collectors to easily by jaw-dropping gorgeous prints on Plexiglas.

Sadly, the site doesn't work yet. You can't buy anything because the code is broken and the site has that horrible '98 Dreamweaver look-n-feel, but an overhaul would be easy.

Update: actually can *can* buy this or this one. ;) The latter is only €12 a piece! It's a steal...
Update2: I ordered 2 prints and got a polite msg back saying I stumbled upon a test site that's not yet public and they couldn't sell me the prints at the price mentioned. Duuh! It's still public though...

Twittering too

I am on Twitter now too.

I've been contemplating about it for a few months and just decided to go ahead with it. Twitter is becoming a nice platform, not just a tool. There is a whole "ecology" growing around the idea of "microblogging". But when sites like Facebook, LinkedIn, Hyves and others start to incorporate similar things and API open up to link things together, there is something to be had.

I'd like to tweet and be able to specify the 'channel' the update belongs to. Not all my channels are equal, some are more equal than others. Some private thoughts should not be visible for professionals on LinkedIn, for instance. Likewise, having recently become divorced and spitting out harsh feelings for the world to see has proven that not all my friends are equally interested in raw feelings or don't know what to say when presented with them. If I can group my friends into channels and permit certain friends to watch some channels but not others, t…

amazing change

5 months ago i had no idea my life was gonna change so drastically. Dec 6th petra told me she had been in love for a week with a guy from a plane and a 2 hour talk. A week or 2 later she cheated on me. I was stunned but saw the problems, for the first time. I was shocked about those too, more than the cheating. I wanted to save our marriage and try and set a few things right. A week later we went to Cuba. Weird. But we calmed down and talked some good talks. Jan 11th we came back. I was ready to start over and make changes. Petra was distant. She was gone a few days to help a sick friend. Jan 23rd she said she was no longer in love with me and wanted a divorce... She moved into the spare room. 4 weeks later she had found a place. Feb 28th she moved out. Mar 20th we signed the papers at lawyer. April 19th i had a good weekend and seemed to start to accept things. I wanted to talk to petra and end things a little positively... April 24th we met one last time at lawyer for some stupid si…

Vacation photos

I finally uploaded photos from my vacation in Cuba as well as Val Thorens. Please check SmugMug, if interested. Photos from Cuba have been split in 13 galleries separated by city or place. Otherwise there would simply be too many. Petra and Jans have more, but protected.

Update: Ironically, this was the day when the divorce was granted by the judges.

When a video says it all

Signing divorce papers today

I'm signing the divorce papers today. I don't want to but I am left with no choice. Other option is a long and tedious legal battle that costs thousands, no one wins and I'm still divorced. This way is cleaner but harder. It's so fucking quickly... :(
TeekensKarstens handled it pretty nicely though. Friendly, fixed price. oh well

Tomorrow morning, I'm going snowboarding in Val Thorens with friends. Petra was supposed to come, back in the Fall when we're still together. She was already hesitant, so she must have been busy with the separation already... *sigh* "life's a bitch and then you marry one", never thought it could be so real

Restaurant Rousseau

After Cuba, I had decided to reserve a table for two at Restaurant Rousseau in Den Haag. As long as I've been here, I wanted to eat here. "As French as you can outside France!", they said. And they were right!

Sadly, shortly after I had made the reservation, Petra told me she wanted to divorce me. However, I could not move myself to cancel the reservation. Not after all this. So I wanted and thought and finally took an old girlfriend with me and treated her to a delicious evening of fine French food. My god, it was great! We had the menu gastonomique with 6 courses and it took almost 4 hours. But it was worth it! Highly recommended!


Petra and I talked about the distribution of things this week. Who wants what? Really weird, confusing and it gave me a terrible taste in my mouth.

She also found a new place to live. A nice little apartment for rent that resembles this house in many ways. I think she can even move in in March already. I like the pictures of the place, looked really cozy and I am happy to know she'll have a nice place for herself where she'll feel comfortable, but at the same time it tears me apart that she really physically is moving out and taking stuff with her. The house will still be home yet unfamiliar without her. I can't seem to grasp that I have to let her go, especially since I don't really particularly want to. It's the hardest thing I have ever done...

Update: music to the post

World Divorce Statistics

Today, Petra gave me the worst possible news: she does not see how we can continue our relationship despite our efforts. She does not believe common counseling will do any good except prolong the process. She no longer thinks she wants to grow old with me. :( A divorce is the only option.

I'm officially heart broken and numb. Being part of 34% (2007) of all divorces in the Netherlands is not a good feeling and something I least expected.